My uncle and I

        When I was younger, and by younger I mean yesterday, I liked to pretend that I had an uncle that was kind of a jerk. I pictured him like John Smith, the leader of the A-team. A big burly man with a deep voice. I would sit next to him on summer afternoons on the pouch as he smoked cigars with his feet up on the banisters. He would be sitting there peering out at the world as if it had just revealed the final act of his plan and the world was now exactly as he had planed it. I would be there staring up at him listening to him talk.

            He was was a strange man, always going on about the time he had spent in the war that shaped him to become the man he was today. The times he pushed over the hill to personally stab Hitler before returning home to defeat Robert E Lee's army along side custard at wounded knee. You see, I would picture him as a slightly crazy old man, always spewing forth whatever was on his mind as if it was the essence of enlightenment one gains at the end of a full life. I picture him delivering these messages with such sincerity and strength in his deep husky voice that I would rarely stop to question the content of his message before nodding in agreement. “You can catch a fox if you are afraid to shucked corn” he would tell me and I would immediately nod before trying to desperately fill in some meaning to the words he delivered in order to restore him in my mind to the prophet he was.

           I would often sit with him throughout my life. Coming to him in times of question and guidance. He would never sugar coat his advice to me because, as he told me once, sugar will rot the heart and brain of a man as quickly as his teeth. So when I came to a problem in life like failing a class, or letting a friend down, or getting shot down by a girl he would always have the best advice for me. He would sit me down on the bench and look me straight in the eyes and say “Lee, Don't be such a pussy. (this is how he started all of his speeches, if he was to address the president I would imagine him always starting with that line) When I was flying my U-2 Bomber during WWII over Argentina to kill Gandhi, do you think I was worried about some dame? No, because life is a series of shit piles and if your lucky you get a breath of air before the next one hits. You only have so much time in your life, don't waste it bellyaching about something you lost.”

         I would wonder how his advice was relevant for a moment as I contemplated my knowledge of world history before looking back at him to meet his gaze. You see that passionate fire that burned in his eyes would convince you of anything. He could make you doubt your own name by explaining to you that you shouldn't be a pussy and had forgotten it.

I picture him slightly racist and inappropriate as well which would always confuse me as his metaphors were so vague, perhaps it was just me projecting race into otherwise sound advice. Things like “Never cook more beans than you can eat or youll never be able to rid your house of neighbors”. Did he mean neighboring country? Did he mean Mexicans? Was there a reference in the beans? Or was it simple complete nonsense and I was just searching for meaning.

           But you see that was my uncle. Perhaps there was no man there at all. Just a empty shell or a personality so strong that it demanded meaning. Like a guest that has never come to stay, but you always wish he would just for the amusement of it. It demanded substance to a point of pulling it from thin air. As I sat on the porch those hot summer days with my uncle, I learned a lot. I learned what it means to be big and strong willed. But mostly I learned from my uncle how much fun it must be to sit on a porch and act crazy just to fuck with your nephew. I look forward to the day that I get to follow in my uncle's foot steps.   

Some say I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one

Love of my life,

I have been thinking a lot lately. About you, about me, and about what we are capable of. I guess it started when I was reading about the potential of people and how it is usually wasted as people frantically look to support their many bills in life. You see when I first met you I thought I had something to prove in this world. I thought, like most people that I had to work really really really hard to get a good job so I earned lots and lots of money so that everyone would think that I was really interesting. I guess what I wanted was just, what most men consider, winning at life. Having an expensive car, a giant house, a commanding respect from his family, I suppose these are the things that most people look for in life; along with myself.

Then I met you, and I would like to say I felt like those things were not important. That all of a sudden, in your eyes I found something that meant more to me than all the money in the world. But sadly, that wasn't what happened. Instead I sat and I listened to you tell me about all the places you wanted to travel to, all the places you wanted to live. You described a living room in a castle in Scotland, a dinning room perched on top of a mountain over looking the ocean, a bedroom high in the trees, deep in a forest next to a river. All these things I would add up in my head and think, for someone I love so much how could I tell her no? Obviously, I just need to work harder. Not to mention, you don't get a beautiful, talented, funny, strong, courageous girl like you by not being able to buy things.

But I can look around and see my friends, they grow up so fast. Matt and adam already starting the treadmill that makes you run faster and faster till you wake up 65 without having any time for those you loved or the lessons you learned along the way. Or like Alex nicole or chris even that feel like they need more money to feel successful. So far is the belief that money=success that I see my peers throwing away such precious time to get it. Only to find that it means they need more.

But I sell our partnership short when I think that. Because what makes us great isn't that fact that we want things. What makes us great is that we dream together. John Lennon said 'when you dream alone, it is just a dream. When you dream together it is a reality.'

You see, we have an amazing ability, you and I. When we close our eyes, and we put our heart together, we can dream up anything we want. Because once we dream it, we can make it. I can't promise you that we will have a living room in Scotland. But we can build a castle. We can build it ourselves out of clay bricks. We can build it in the mountains, or near the ocean, or in a meadow. I can't promise you we can always afford the very best and fresh food. But I can promise that we can grow it for ourselves and every morning pick it together. What we don't know how to grow, we can learn. We can start farmers markets to sell our extras and make sure other people are eating well too. Maybe take it round to older couples homes and bring them food in exchange for tea and stories of when they were kids. I can't promise that we will always have prestige and status. But I can tell you, you will always have my undivided attention, respect, love.

What I am trying to say is, there are very few times in your life when you find such a powerful partnership that allows you to conquer so much. So slowly I learned that my priorities were mixed up. Because when I came on to this world, the only thing I came with was time. And time is the one thing I can't get back. By extension, in the end, time was the only thing that will mean anything to me. What I mean to say I don't want to be rich and powerful to give you all those things you talk about. But I have all the time in the world so lets close our eyes, start with the first thing and start working with a tenacity that can only come from us. What I mean to say is, what people out there are selling, is no way near as amazing as what we can make. So I am not buying, I just want my time with you to be kids, and dream.  

I hope someday you'll join me....