Ode to conflict

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

-William James quotes

“The fibers of all things have their tension and are strained like the strings of an instrument.”

- Henry David Thoreau

It is almost embarrassing that I was caught today reading an article labeled, “top 8 things that ruin a relationship”. I suppose boys aren't supposed to read such sill things. Normally, I don't, nor do I really care, but as I sat at the bagelry today with noone to talk to, I figured.. why not, Ill bite. As I started reading, it was what you would expect. Most relationships fail, relationships are hard, taking for granted is bad, don't roll your eyes, do nitpick, don't stop communication, and so on. But I was interested to see that one of the things that are supposed to HELP relationships is conflict. It was quick to point out, serious conflict, emotional manipulations, threatening, violence and abuse of any kind, should not really be present in a relationship. However, small conflicts have a lot to offer relationships.

Something my acting teacher in university told me was that conflict is interesting. As an actor, you must always display conflict, as a writer, doubly so. There is a tension that is present in conflict. The need to go this way, but the desire to go that way. My professor aways pointed out that there was always more to a situation on stage. There was what was going on, and the conflict in each character that it brings forward in and around each character.

If a play was a simple list of events, few people would ever go. But people are hungry for conflict, it holds our attention, it pulls at our emotions, it stops of from being placid, and keeps us wanting more. Basically, it keeps us wanting to see what happens next.

I think what the article was getting at is that conflict offers a tension that can't really be found other places. When I stop to think of a relationship without conflict, I think of the American dream, two people sitting across the table from each other. One says something, the other agrees and the go back to eating. There is not depth, no underlining suspense in their relationship, what you see is what you get and you only need about 20 minutes before you have seen all that the interaction has to offer.

So when I stop to consider the fact that Rose and I have little in common, deep down I celebrate it. I think, thank god that some day we will yell and laugh, and cry due to those difference of opinion and conflicts of interests. I figure no one enjoys making compromises, but I feel worse if I never had to. So because of this, I am quite happy that Rose and I may never see things the same way, may never share the same views, nor share the same interests. I want someone in my life they I have conflict with because it forces me to communicate to get through it, it forces us to have things to overcome together, it makes me what to see what is next, causes me to be on the edge of my seat, involved till the last scene when we will all take a bow and the curtains will drop.